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February, 2012

  1. Vegan Results & Recovery Formula: time to “Dig Deeper,” Team Beach Body!

    February 19, 2012 by Danielle

    Just started month 2 of Insanity, and for the first month water seemed to be sufficient, along with the occasional protein shake…but in this second month I’m thinking I might need the extra “boost.” I was also recently really ill with a 24-hour bug, and I experienced the miracle that was replenished electrolytes. I saw the light, but it was neon red and filled with high fructose corn syrup… plus 0 protein. I did some recon on the Team Beach Body (Insanity/P90x people) site as well – they assert that taking in a recovery formula with a 4:1 simple carb-protein ratio could significantly refill energy stores and help muscles recover faster…and I am definitely more sore this week than I have been since week one.┬áSo I went down to my mad scientist lab and started to formulate the perfect vegan results & recovery formula…

    So without further ado – I present to you now the Vegan Insanity Results & Recovery formula aka “Vegans Are People Too” Tropical Drank.

    1 packet Emergen-C (I use “1,000 mg Vitamin C” in raspberry but any will probably do)
    1/2 scoop vanilla soy protein powder (I use GNC’s own “Natural Brand” non-GMO Isolated Soy Protein)
    1/2 cup Trop50 OJ (stevia-sweetened Tropicana)
    12 oz. water
    2 ice cubes (opt)

    Throw it all in a bullet blender, blender, VitaMix, food processor, or use an immersion blender or blender bottle or a freakin butter knife for all I care… Whateva. Drink, enjoy, recover!!!

    Please note: if you use a smaller blender, be careful opening it up – the Emergen-C tends to fizz a bit so it might try to overflow. This is also why my drink looks so “creamy” – it’s really not at all, it’s actually quite light. Just bubbly.

    NOW, if you will, ALLOW ME TO BLOW YOUR MIND,’ers: I calculated the nutritional info for this shake, then I looked up the Team Beach Body Results & Recovery formula info. Comparing their drink to mine, I was expecting something similar but not quite on par with TBB’s version (story of a vegan’s life). Imagine my complete ego-boost when I realized mine is not only comparable to theirs but actually better! I somehow (seriously, no idea, but somehow) formulated a miracle drink with half the calories, 1/4 of the fat (almost zero), NO CHOLESTEROL (thank to no horrific whey protein), a little less carbs/protein while still maintaining the 4:1 ratio, more than 2x the Vit C, almost 3x the potassium, more than 10x the B-12 and almost 20x the B-6! Holy healthy shit sticks…totally patting myself on the back right now. Hell, I’m doing a double-double-this-this-double-double-that-that on my own back right now (it’s a girl thing). The only big difference is that TBB provides 500% DV of Vit E, and mine only provides 10%. I’m still willing to shrug off the missing 490% to save myself the calories, money and to avoid whey..aren’t you? See below for actual comparison breakdown.

    Health Factoids (1 serving=16 oz.)

    Calories: 110======TBB: 220 (FOR REAL)
    Carb: 32g ========TBB: 40g (THAT’S OK)
    Fat: 0.25g========TBB: 1g
    Cholesterol: 0mg===TBB: 20mg (YOUR ARTERIES WILL THANK YOU)
    Protein: 6.5g======TBB: 10mg (WE’RE STILL GOOD)
    Sodium: 145mg ====TBB: 150mg
    Vit C: 1700%======TBB: 750%
    Potassium: 425mg==TBB: 155mg (YOUR HEART WILL THANK YOU)
    Vit B-12: >400% ===TBB: 30% (ENERGY!!!)

    Oh, and as an added kicked in the Beach Body panties: mine cost roughly 90 cents per serving, whereas they are selling a “30-day supply” (25 servings) for $50-$60 (thats $2 per serving, my little mathmeticians). This is a beautiful day for vegans everywhere.

  2. On the origin of Horkin Fiber Chunks

    February 13, 2012 by Danielle

    My father is very keen on calling EVERYTHING I make “Horkin fiber chunks.” And I never knew why or what these were. However, a quick google search revealed a pretty hilarious Denis Leary stand-up that actually turns to vegetarianism in the second half:

    “And all these cereals they have, Cracklin’ Oat Bran, and Horkin’ Fiber Chunks, you know? Cereal used to come with a free prize. Now it comes with a free roll of toilet paper in every box. Guys get up on Sunday morning, “Forget about the New York Times, I’m gonna need the Bible. I got a big one brewing here.” “Dad, there’s a phone call!” “I’m on Genesis, dammit! You tell ’em to call back after the creation!” People checking their own feces for fiber. You have too much free f’ing time on your hands, ok.

    Red meat, white meat, blue meat, meat-o-f’ing-rama. You will eat it. Because not eating meat is a decision. Eating meat is an instinct! Yeah! And I know what it’s about. “I don’t want to eat the meat because I love the animals. I love the animals.” Hey, I love the animals too. I love my doggy. He’s so cute. My fluffy little dog.. He’s so cute- There’s the problem. We only want to save the cute animals, don’t we? Yeah. Why don’t we just have animal auditions. Line ’em up one by one and interview them individually. “What are you?” “I’m an otter.” “And what do you do?” “I swim around on my back and do cute little human things with my hands.” “You’re free to go.” “And what are you?” “I’m a cow.” “Get in the f’ing truck, ok pal!” “But I’m an animal.” “You’re a baseball glove! Get on that truck!” “I’m an animal, I have rights!” We kill the cows to make jackets out of them and then we kill each other for the jackets we made out of the cows.”

    So. Question answered. Horkin Fiber Chunks are actually a fictional cereal, invented by Mr. Leary, one of my dad’s (and my) favorite comedians of all time. Kind of disappointing though, I always thought they sounded quite delicious. Forgivable.