While driving around today, I had a “moment.” I recognized the emotions I was experiencing and knew that it’s happened before, but this “moment” was different. Different because for the first time, I let myself bask in it. It was just one of those brief blips of life where myself decided to afford myself the opportunity for reflection on my life thus far. Whenever these seconds, sometimes minutes occur I think we tend to acknowledge, half-smile, and immediately resume our regularly-scheduled pensiveness. To bask in the glow of oneself is, after all, unbearably selfish.
However, today I let my mind sit in this place for a bit. Too often we just chug along, achieving great things, meeting goals, getting lucky, breaking down barriers, challenging ourselves and coming out on top, all the while never really stopping to say, “Hey, me, you’re pretty fucking awesome and I god damn love you.” Changing, growing, evolving – it’s all happening either so fast or so slow (still haven’t figured that one out) that we don’t even know it’s there… and if we don’t know it’s there, then how do we know when we’ve actually changed, grown, evolved?
I will now explain the significance of that huge annoying daisy in the corner of this post. As anyone who has ever perused this blog knows, when it comes to my more philosophical rantings I love, love, love my analogies. So, in trying to sort through this “moment” this morning, my brain immediately went to a flower. I have a special place in my heart for daisies for some unknown reason, but today’s revelation might just be the closest thing I have to an explanation. I felt that these rare, unprovoked seconds where we appreciate ourselves as if we weren’t ourselves, are represented by the middle of the daisy. The very substance of our lives, the lifeforce if you will. It’s why we do what we do. The petals, they’re just noise. They’re high school, college, your first house, that big interview, a wedding, losses, best friends, enemies, bad traffic, grocery shopping, texting. The things we did (or didn’t do) to get wherever it is we are today. Both parts are equally vital to life, but I feel that the 99% of our lives we spend caught up in the petals, always slipping or clinging or running in circles .. and never enough time on that solid, bright yellow happy interior.
Why is it so important to let ourselves set up a metaphorical lounge chair on our metaphorical centers, just chilling and reveling in our own accomplishments? Because these moments are what make it worth it. I never felt so happy as the second I stopped and just marveled at what I have done with my life, the ways I have surprised myself, obstacles I have overcome with strength and patience I never thought I had. And while I can’t spend forever in this self-doting frame of mind (I am already sick of myself), I can take it with me. It will help me tough out the next crappy work shift or build my confidence the next time I tackle a promotion. It’s a reminder that I can, and I will, and I have. It helps me to think of these not-so-fun times as simply growing pains, leading to a brighter and better me. So take time to stop and smell the roses and all that stuff. It’s pretty deep.